just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
