i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
