I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
