There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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