Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
