I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
