I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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