just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
