not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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