The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
