Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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