While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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