On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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