Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
