I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
