my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
