Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
