I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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