No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
