Your face is a jimmy john
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
