You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
