I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
