literally had 100 drinks last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
