Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
