Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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