Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
