he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
