my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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