when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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