I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
