i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
