Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im part way to drunk.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
