...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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