you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize