she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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