He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
