just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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