I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
