That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
