oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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