is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
