did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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