I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The air taste purple.
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