sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
