i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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