It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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