State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
