you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
