she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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