Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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