I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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