Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
