Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
