Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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