you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
