I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
