I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
