You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
