we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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