her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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