well you can't waste a boner
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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