why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
