made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize