why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
