I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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