Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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