u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
