Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bring money and cleavage
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
