I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
