I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
